Remember When?: Brendon Urie
by AshAnesthetic
Summary: One-shot. Brendon knew her for her whole life. They grew up together, did everything together, loved each other... How can Brendon cope with such a tragedy?


[[author's note: This is one of my older stories from a couple years ago, but I still think it's cute =3. It's a BRENDON URIE of Panic[!] At The Disco one shot.]]

_It all happened that one day. Do you remember? We were in that old tree house my Dad built for us in my backyard._

_We used to always play in that tree house. I was so excited with our newly found place to stay and play in that right away I went to decorate it with everything and anything I could find. Stickers of our favorite Disney movies, especially The Little Mermaid ones. You told me that I kinda looked like her, me with my bright blue eyes, and long, bright red hair. I loved it when you called me Ariel, but I'd always call you Flounder in return. I thought it was funny, but you always grumbled in return. You thought Flounder was just, like in Flounders own words, such a 'guppy'. But I knew you liked me calling you it, cause a little later you would crack a smile and laugh a little. I'd put in stuffed animals, and made sure to leave my Barbie's at home, cause you always thought that they were too 'girly'... but that meant that you had to leave your action figures and transformers at home, cause they were too 'boyish'. I knew back then that it must've been hard for you not to bring your transformer, cause that was your favorite thing in the universe. You brought it everywhere, just like I always brought my stuffed black cat everywhere. Do you remember what you named my kitty? Snuffles. I laughed, cause that was a dogs name! But I kept it, remember?_

_Do you remember that one day when you rang my doorbell, and my Daddy answered it? You had on such a big smile, and asked if I was home. You normally visited, so of course he called for me. "Bridgette! Brendon's here!" I had let out a cheer, quickly ate the rest of my macaroni and cheese, and ran to the door. When Daddy had left, you had given me four dandelions. Do you know how gleeful I was when you did just that small gesture? I quickly put them in a glass full of water, and ran it up to my purple bedroom. Do you know what I did a few days later when those flowers wilted and died? I cried my little heart out. Mommy told me that things eventually die, but that didn't mean that we still shouldn't enjoy life._

_That's why I asked you the next day if you were ever going to die. You told me maybe, and I almost cried again. I was afraid even you were going to leave me. But do you remember what you did? You gave me a big hug, and promised that you were never going to leave me. Do you know how relieved I was after that? I felt so much better, because I believed you. I believed you were never going to leave me._

_Do you remember when we started growing up? When slowly our Barbies and action figures started going into rummage sales, or down to our younger family members? When our dirty jeans and bright shirts turned bigger and darker? When our music changed from Disney Classics to Pink Floyd, Black Sabbath, and Led Zeppelin? But do you know what the best thing of growing up was? It was that I got to spend it all with you. Cause as we grew, our friendship grew, too. And just like before, we did everything with each other. We spent alot of our firsts together, didn't we? The first time we went to a rock concert, the first time we went to a real party, the first time alcohol splashed into our innards, the first time that smoking cancer stick touched our lips. I was a bit disappointed that you strayed away from me just once, though, when you kept that nasty habit. And even more disappointed when you got high that one time. But now I'm proud of you for cutting it down to only your "time of needs", making it only happen once in a while. Well, we both know how badly you wanted to rebel away from your Mormon family..._

_We were always there for each other. Remember that? You were there for me when Snuffles got lost when we were kids. You were there for me when Mommy and Daddy split up when we were thirteen. You were there for me when Daddy committed suicide shortly after. You were there for me when I started cutting, and started believing I should die. You were there to make me drop the knife when I almost did die..._

_But I was there for you, too. I was there all those nights when your Mother got angry at you for doing something rebellious. I was there for you when your dog got ran over. I was there for you when you dropped out of school to pursue your dream to be a rockstar. I was there for you when your Mom kicked you out of your house across the street for doing so. I help you find an apartment to stay in. I helped you create your band's demo, even though it was before you even played at a gig._

_We were there for each other when the Pete Wentz of Fall Out Boy called you that day, and signed you to his newly created record label. He created it just for you guys, you know. He liked you that much. Just like I liked you that much._

_I was soon to find out that it wasn't just your music that I liked. It wasn't just our long lasted friendship that I liked. Wasn't just your witty personality, the way you always made me laugh and smile, the way that you did... everything. It was just... Everything about you, Brendon. Everything about you that I not only liked, but loved. I noticed little things about you. Like how the sun could hit your eyes in just the right way to make them glow with warmth. How you tended to bite your lip when something wasn't going quite right. I loved every little thing like that about you. I came to realize..._

_I love you._

_Do you remember before you left for your tour, you came over to my house. I was happily listening to your CD when you rang my doorbell. When I ran and opened the door, and then saw you, I couldn't help but notice that you looked just like the little boy that was on my doorstep with a huge smile on his face, and dandelions held in his hands out towards me. Only this time they were red roses. I remember how happy I was when I saw you, roses in hand, smile on your face. I jumped in your arms and we hugged like no tomorrow. Did you miss me as much as I missed you? I missed you so much..._

_Do you remember how long we talked? We spent all day together, just talking. You poked fun of me for having your CD, but I knew that you were secretly happy that I did. It's easy to tell what you're thinking, you see. Just like when I called you 'Flounder'. Remember what we did when it came night time? With nothing but the street and porch lights leading our way, we found our old tree house in my backyard. We climbed up, and we sat in that dusty old thing. Not before noticing, though, how much smaller it had gotten..._

_Do you remember when you asked me if I ever wondered how many stars there were in the sky? We were sitting in that little room, our heads poked out and facing towards the ink black sky, glittered with stars and a large full moon. I replied yes. Did you know that you asked me one on the most frequent questions that ran through my head? Maybe you're a mind reader, after all... Remember what happened next? A shooting star rushed past us. I said, "Oh! Make a wish! Quick!" Do you know what I wished for? I wished that I could have the courage for what I was going to do next. And do you remember exactly what I did when we both opened our eyes, and looked at each other?_

_I kissed you._

_But when I broke the kiss, do you remember what you did? You looked flabbergasted. You told me you had to leave. And barely without a good-bye, or a hug, you left. Do you know how much I cried that night? How much I felt of hatred towards myself? I felt angry, stupid, and... disappointed. I loved you so much, Brendon. Why didn't you love me? Do you know how many years I wanted to share with you that kiss that meant so much to me? My heart was shattered... I ran to the park that you and I went to on those occasional days of boredom when we were kids. I just sat in that swing that I always swung in and cried. I never returned home that night. I never slept that night. I just thought, swung, and cried._

_In the morning I was pretty tired. So tired, in fact, that I almost began to doze. I was cold, it was raining. No one else was outside that night. I remember that it was very quiet. Only the splatters of the raindrops down on the pavement rung in my ears. It was quiet, though, until I heard flopping footsteps. They came closer, and closer. Until finally, I heard my name being called by a familiar voice._

_"Bridgette!" When I had opened my eyes, I saw you, Brendon, running towards me. I still felt ashamed. And I looked like a wreck, didn't I? My eyeliner was smeared and dripping down my face. My eyes were still tearful. My lips were quivering. When I weakly stood up, thinking of walking away, something made me do otherwise. I found myself in your arms, near your face, our lips touching. Do you know how different my emotions became after that. You lips felt like magic against mine. When I opened my eyes, you were staring down at me with so much... I really didn't know what it was. The best word, though is..._

_Love._

_"Bridgette," You said, "I'm sorry. When you kissed me, I panicked. We were best friends, and I was scared that something someday was going to change, giving us nothing left later. But you don't know how long I've wanted to feel your lips on mine. If you're willing, I want to step our relationship further. And I know I'm rushing, but I... can't wait any longer. Besides, I've known you my whole life."_

_That's when you bended down on one knee, dug into your pocket, and showed me a tarnished but gorgeous ring, freshly bought. "I love you. I've loved you for as long as I can remember. When I go on tour, I want [i]you[/i] to be there right by my side," You told me, then asked with all your heart, "Will you marry me?"_

_Things changed after that... and for the better._

_Our parents were a bit cautious, being that we were still very young and already getting married. But we didn't care. No, not of what anyone thought of us. The only thing that mattered most was our own love, and that was everything. We planned to have our wedding sometime after your tour. Everything added up to waiting a little over a year before our wedding. None the less, I was ecstatic._

_So were my two other best friends, Tia and Amber. They helped me with all of my wedding plans. We had everything set up just right. The best dress that wasn't frilly, or too dressy. Just the way I liked it. I never was a fancy person, was I? We had a debate whether to have it in a church, or outside. But finally we decided on the church. Everything was set up. Everything was going just right._

_Until that day..._

_My heart shattered when I found out. I mean, I had noticed that I'd feel... different health wise, but that seemed normal to me. It never hit me on how sick I really was... until the doctor told me I had cancer. Not only that, though..._

_I was going to die._

_Two months, just on a maybe, to live._

_I cried. I wasn't going to have the life that I had always dreamed up of. Us getting married, having two kids, living in a big white Victorian house. We'd watch the kids grow up as we, too, grew older. Us all just... living life. The American dream._

_And I was the American that wasn't going to live it._

_

* * *

  
_

"Mr. Urie?"

Brendon Urie lifted his teary gaze from the papers trembling in his hands, up to the minister before him, and bit his lip. Finally, he let out a shaky, "Yes?"

"The service is about to begin. Are you ready?"

Brendon gave him a small nod, and stood up. He folded the papers in half, then quarters, and slowly stuffed them into his tux's pocket. Letting out a small sniff, Brendon followed the minister into the next room, where rows were filled, facing towards the open casket in the front. Once again, he let out a small sob, and finally sat shakily in the front row, where his mother gave him a comforting hug. When they released, her right hand patted his left, while her other hand held a white Kleenex up to her teared eyes. Brendon's own turned from his mother, back up to the front. The minister rose his hands slightly, and began,

"We are hear today in the memory of Bridgette Heather Laralay..."

Brendon's hand sunk back into his pocket, and retrieved the letter. Once again, he quietly opened it, and began to read further.

* * *

_I knew I had to tell you sometime. But... I couldn't bring myself to do it. All those wonderful talks we had over the phone... I just couldn't do it. That's when a month later, you came home right away._

_...Amber called and told you, right?..._

_You were angry. I couldn't blame you, I was even angry. You were sad, but so was I. We cried that day, together in each other's arms. And remember when I mentioned that we were each other's firsts?_

_We made love._

_You were here for me, and I for you. We spent every single moment together, like we used to. But now, it was more literal. Those days were one of the happiest I've ever been through._

_Remember when I felt bad that one day? I felt so guilty that I was dying, and we weren't going to have the wedding? Do you remember what you did? I've never met anyone, heard of anyone, or seen anyone that would've done such a... kind act as yours._

_You promised me that we were still going to get married. You were going to let me live some of that American dream before I die, after all..._

_

* * *

  
_

Brendon's head rested against the cool glass of his mother's car, following the limo carrying Bridgette's casket. As they parked, Brendon grasped his mother's arm before she opened her car door.

"What is it, sweetie?"

"Please," He whispered, "Can you ask them to open Bridgette's casket once more before they lower-" Tears formed once again, and a lump formed into his throat. Once again, he bit his lip.

His mother gave him a sympathetic smile, nodded, and walked out. Sighing, Brendon looked down at the papers once again, to see that she had obviously added to her letter. The writing had changed from pencil to pen.

* * *

_Once again, I heard the words come out of a man dressed in white._

_"You're dying."_

_Now I lay in a hospital bed, looking at you while you sleep in the chair by my bed. You didn't sleep ever since I came here. It's about time you got some rest. Turns out that I won't get to take part in that American dream after all. I'm sorry, Brendon. I wish I could be there for you. But now, I even feel what the doctors have been telling me. It's scary. I'm so scared of dying, of death itself. I won't be with you anymore. That's the worst part of it all._

_...That's not entirely true. I don't care what death throws at me, I'll find a way of always being with you. And when you die, we can really be together, spending all of eternity with each other. Sounds kind of nice, doesn't it? Well, to me it does._

_I'm so sorry I broke the promise. You made it to me all those years ago, remember? You promised you were never going to leave me._

_Do you remember what my mother said to me? Mommy told me that things eventually die, but that doesn't mean that we still shouldn't enjoy life. My soul would break apart if you stayed miserable for all of your life. Find another wife to love, have a family, and watch them and yourself grow. Love life no matter what's thrown at you. You can remember me, I'll always remember you. But don't keep the past in your present. Please?_

_Cause no matter what happens, I promise that I'll always love you._

_

* * *

  
_

"I'm so sorry, Brendon," Tia Brooks told him with tears streaming down her face. Everyone was now returning to their cars. He nodded slightly, and she patted his shoulder in turn. Together, Tia and Amber solemnly walked to their cars and began to drive away with everyone else. All that remained there were just himself. Taking in a deep breath and wiping away his tears, he walked towards Bridgette's open casket. She looked so... peaceful. Brendon took note out once more with a small smile. Slowly, he grasped her cold hand.

"Bridgette," He breathlessly said, biting his lip. Brendon reached into his pocket, and grasped the wedding ring he was going to give to her on their wedding day. He slid it onto her left third finger and smiled sadly down at her. Whispering, a single tear fell as he finally said, "Be my Ariel."

Brendon looked down at the last line of her letter, and let out a small sob.

* * *

_I love you, Brendon._


End file.
